so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
It's never too late to be topless.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
