remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
Randomize
