Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Randomize
