so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
