I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Randomize
