I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
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Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
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I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
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