my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
He uses pillows to masturbate.
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Randomize
