You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Randomize
