took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
Randomize
