one word: firstdatebathroomanal
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
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