One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
it was like eating out sand paper
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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