Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Randomize
