Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
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