the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
