His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Randomize
