Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Randomize
