I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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