Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
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