genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
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