I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Randomize
