I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
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