I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
Randomize
