youre lurking in front of me
I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
this is an emotional support booty call
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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