Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
