Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
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