Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
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