am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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