god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
You left your underwear on the fireplace
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
