I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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