And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Randomize
