i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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