When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
