you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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