He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
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