Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
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