so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Randomize
