Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
