Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Randomize
