She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
