why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
