i just wanna soil my oats bro
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
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I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
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I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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