well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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