Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
