too bad you live with your parents still
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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