i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
Randomize
