I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
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