The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
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