I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
