you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
