Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Randomize
