i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
