Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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