Too much gin, very little bucket
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
