woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
