Screwed.edu
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Randomize
