I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
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