why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
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I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
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i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
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