so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
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We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
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