thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
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