I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Randomize
