i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
Little spoons don't ask big questions
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
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