shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Randomize
